Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
