WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize