hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
