I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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