don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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