She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
