i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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