I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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