How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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