remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
