He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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