he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
