Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
