I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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