Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
