In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
