I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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