True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
