We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
