You can't motorboat a personality
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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