I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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