i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
