Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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