Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
All I want is dick and wine.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize