I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
