If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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