I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
