girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
