how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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