He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
