I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
