Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think people are normalizing furries
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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