kristin has been a bad kristin
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
