Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize