its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
