The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize