Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
