and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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