TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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