i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
