I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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