it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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