listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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