I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
