Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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