he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
