you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Actions speak louder than pants.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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