Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
