i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
