you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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