You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
