I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
that is very illegal...i love you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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