She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
