Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
