we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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