my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
