K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
