apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
