Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
