I'm gonna have a badass scar
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
