Only a mothe r could love this liver
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
