I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
