No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
