did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
