He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
40s are totally the cure
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
