youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
