she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
