So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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