i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
