I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
