I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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