my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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